Should We Take the Time to Preplan Our Funerals?

Many of us avoid any discussion of death and funeral arrangements. Perhaps we fear that even talking about it might invite the proverbial ayin hara, the Evil Eye. Perhaps we are not sure where or how we want to be buried. Contrary to what you might think, our tradition not only permits such planning but, in many ways, encourages and even requires it. 

The Torah offers numerous examples of our ancestors preparing for their inevitable deaths: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel and Leah, each took steps to ensure their wishes would be known and respected. 

We see this clearly in this week’s Torah portion, Vayechi, the final parsha of Bereshit. Jacob, conscious of his age and waning health, summons his children to offer blessings and final words. Just before he brings his sons in, however, he speaks specifically to Joseph about the preplanning of his burial. 

Jacob makes Joseph promise: “When I lie down with my fathers, carry me out of Egypt and bury me in their burial place.” Joseph replies, “I will do as you have said.” Jacob then asks him to swear, and Joseph swears. “Then Israel bowed upon the bed’s head.” 

Jacob wanted to be sure his children knew where and how he wished to be buried. He did not want to leave that decision to chance or to the burden of grief. He wanted to be returned to Canaan, to Maarat HaMachpelah, the Cave of the Patriarchs, beside his parents and grandparents. He made his wishes known so his family would not have to guess. 

Making our wishes known is a final act of love and responsibility. It spares our children unnecessary anguish and confusion, and it honors the memory we hope to leave. Like Jacob, may we find the courage to speak plainly about the end of life, to set our affairs in order, and to give the gift of clarity to those we love. 

May we be granted wisdom and peace as we undertake these conversations. 

Shabbat Shalom. 

Rabbi Bradley Tecktiel