We have been talking a lot over the past few weeks about the damage we can do simply with our words. We focused on how we talk about people and how we talk to people. This week we will shift focus to show that just as words can hurt and destroy, they also have the potential to heal and repair.
Athena Staik, Ph.D. a relationship consultant, author, licensed marriage and family therapist shares a list of twenty questions/phrases that we can easily incorporate into our lives to begin the process of mending and reconciliation. I know there is someone(s) in your life this very moment that could benefit from hearing these words from you. Think of ways you can incorporate these words into your daily living:
1. I am sorry. I was wrong to _______. Please forgive me.
2. I appreciate you for _______.
3. I’m scared that _______.
4. Even though I think I’m right, I could be wrong about _____.
5. I’m thinking that what’s missing from our lives is _______.
6. I’m sad that my action of _______blocks me from feeling safe in my relationship/connection with you.
7. I want to change this. It sounds as if you are saying _______.
8. This reminds me of _______.
9. So then, based on our discussion, to make life more wonderful in this area: what I’d like/really want is _______, and what you’d like/really want is ______. Is that right?
10. In this situation, I/you choose/chose to _______.
11. Would you be willing to _______.
12. I need your support in this situation _______.
13. We didn’t do that well … can we start over? (Or a “do-over?)
14. What can we (or I) learn from this?
15. Thank you for _____. I appreciate that _______.
16. I’d like to talk … when is a good time?
17. I love you. You are important to me.
18. I care about you, and your dreams. I know how important _______ is to you.
19. I want you to be happy, and have what you want, and it’s also good to check to make sure it’s in your, my highest interest as well as our relationship’s.
20. It’s not easy … would you work with me on this? I can do my part, and only you can do yours. Together we can make this work; otherwise it will not work and waste our energy and time.